Sports News

newest headline - 'Tiger Woods at fault in one-car crash, police say'

hmm, it took 5 days for the police to figure out that Tiger Woods's running into a fire hydrant was his fault. Who else's fault could it have been? ACSF is finding that the PGA wanted to blame it on John Daly, the Florida police wanted to blame illegal Cuban immigrants, and the FBI was following leads that it was the White House party crashers. Anybody but Tiger Woods. However after 5 days they realized that since he was the only person in the car and hit a stationary object, there was no possible way to spin it any other way.


Tiger obeyed the traditional PGA signs by staying silent, but eventually the story would get out.

This is the Numbers Guy reporting from Washington DC
- The Numbers Guy

ACSF staff mounts insurmountable comeback

In the 2009 Thanksgiving weekend darts classic at Tommy Nevins (Nuh-vins), team ACSF staged a 3 way cricket comeback not seen since Saved by the Bell College Years resurfaced on the silver screen. Unable to hit any numbers of value in the early going, the ACSF team was thrown on the back of Yahn Sieber, a perennial all-star, who fought through a shoulder injury a la Kirk Gibson, to spark the team when the team was down and out. Followed up with consistent play by troycRTC (DecentDestroyer) and kirbyLLC (The Numbers Guy), ACSF took down the giant which was a team ingrediented by Ray Small/Bob Jones. Tune in next month for the 2K9 Christmas classic.

Where is Superjumanji?

ACSF is looking for this guy:


















We know he's out there and has this window open as one of 5-8 internet windows open throughout the course of his day. Please come back to ACSF and contribute one article per quarter. At least show us your moustache.

- The Numbers Guy(s)

ACSF lead editor demoted

In a fairly unshocking move, ACSF demoted the Numbers Guy today handing the publications chief responsibilities to Decent Destroyer. This was based on the fact that Decent Destroyer has made 5 posts in a row.

Even though the Numbers Guy tried to hold onto his position by making this post to breakup the streak of 5 by Decent Destroyer he still demoted himself.

Christmas List Item For Sure!!!

Happy Ditkaween

If these guys played Pop Warner football, they could probably beat the Bucs.

Lovie loses another challenge

From North Carolina.. playing right field, Michael Jordan

Week 3 Review (short) and Week 4 Preview

So, a nice comeback win for the Bears last week. Good to see them pull one off on the road. To be honest, the game was so long ago I don't really remember it. I apologize for anybody that's been auto-refreshing this site just to find nothing new. Anyways, let's look forward to the Lions.



I'm kind of glad the Lions won last week. The Bears shouldn't feel that much pressure here and should take care of business pretty easily. I'd really like to see the offense put a few drives together in the first half and not make it close at the end. My heart needs a break. ACSF prediction 27-13 Bears. Forte runs for a TD, Cutler throws 2 TD's, Bennett catches one and Olsen catches the other.

Congrats to tomato this week as he correctly identified the arsenal of Tank Johnson. You guys tore apart that pic, so I'll give you a more challenging one this week.

Name the ex-bear. Here you go, good luck.

Live from Switzerland

Blackhawks take on HC Davos today. Actually right now. It may seem like they're playing in Sweden due to the yellow/blue opponent, sound like they're playing fútbol in brazil the way the crowd is chanting, and appear like it's a high school hockey game as there are no announcers. Just the picture and occasional 90's American music in between plays (blink 182, limp bizkit, and just heard the 'girl, you've really got me now' song only they didn't get to the word now because the faceoff cut it off). Another one bites the dust just came on. Crowd must really be rocking there. Anyhow, ACSF felt the need to keep fans updated since announcers didn't fit into the budget. This pic is of Hawks star and felon, Pat Kane.

Happy Birthday

In honor of not breaking any news, we here at ACSF would like to celebrate yesterday's birthday of our former editor, the #'s guy. Congrats on the Big 29, big fella. Here's to many more years of meaningless softball stats, average chicago sports commentary, and the belief that someday ACSF.blogspot.com will become more popular than espn.com.

Help! Lost Editor

Last seen making updates on his Hammy. Hasn't been seen since, if you have found this man, please report back to ACSF immediately.

That's more like it! Week 2

A great pick me up for Bears fans this week as they take down the defending champs 17-14. What a coming out party for both Johnny Knox and Kellen Davis as they both catch a touchdown and make plenty of other big catches. The defense also looked good after giving up a 92 yard drive that took up much of the first quarter. On the negative side, the run game looked awful again. Cedric Benson tore up the Packers which makes last weeks effort seem even more awful. In the end, we're 1-1 and I would have probably taken that looking at the schedule before the season.



Next on the slate is the Seahawks without Matt Hasselbeck. The only thing I'm worried about here is if the Bears can stay focused on offense. On the road the first week, they looked pretty rattled at times. Seattle is known for being one of the loudest places to play so hopefully they learned a few things from week 1.

Guess that Ex-Bear

Time for a weekly game I will call, Guess that Ex-Bear. Winner will receive the notable, ACSF fan of the week. Past winners of the award have gone on to do notable things as attend Cubs games, play Defense of the Ancients, and live decent lives in an undecent world.

This week in Football - Week 1

Well, week 1 is in the books and as an ACSF, I'm feeling below average right now. We basically made an Urlacher for Tim freaking Shaw trade on Monday. I hear Shaw is good on special teams and since he probably won't be seeing the field on defense, it might work out ok. We also get to see Hunting in the Hillenmeyer for the rest of the year at MLB, we know what he can do on the outside, so let's cross our fingers he's better on the inside.

Our golden arm looked pretty rusty early on and at that point.. I was ready to see what we could get for it at Cash4gold.com. After watching the two Monday night games, we saw both games come down to similar situations as we did with the Bears. That made me feel good knowing each week, it's usually just a few plays between a win or a loss. Considering our few plays were mostly picked off and we still had a chance to win, I'm cautisly optimistic for next week.

This dude is my hero, I can't pull of the Tupac sweatshirt but respect anybody who can.

Hammy update

I've gotten a lot of mail from people wondering about the status of my hammy as it relates to this weekends broomball tourney in Cincinnati. First off, thanks for all the nice letters (snail/e-mail). Very encouraging (for the most part...you know who you are).

I've been doing a lot of the RICE technique, compliments to my good friend Seeds for keeping me abreast of the latest news pertaining to RICE'ing injuries.

With that said, I think I'm gonna give it a go this weekend in Cinci. After a week of icy hot, ice, heat pads, stretching, elevating, etc. my hammy is feeling about 70% today. Hoping that'll jump to about 72-73% over the next 24.

Flashback on Brett Favre Day in Minnesota

ACSF Poll

Which person was hyped more as the savior of their new respective positions but hasn't met the expectations?

Tiger made the putt

Update

Tiger eyes his putt on 12. We'll let you know the result. Tune in

Continuing our Tradition - only at ACSF

Tiger on the 12th at Hazeltine.

Bartolo

Gone missing again. Help find this Chicago sports icon.

Are we more than just Average now?

We support our love of the Hawks by wearing jerseys and helmets at home.

Support the best coach in hockey by growing mustaches.

So ACSF community, are me more than average fans now, and if so.. should we commit to a better blog named above average Chicago sports fan (AACSF). Since the polls blew up on the last post, we'll put this in your hands once again.

Pins and Needles

There are certain times of year where predictions don't make sense. For example, predicting who will win the Stanley Cup last year. Or predicting that Steve Wiebe would beat Billie Mitchell's Donkey Kong record. Now is not one of those times. So, ACSF is now taking submissions for who will be the next Mike Brown...aka, one of the core players on our team that only gets in about 20-30 minutes of PT (preseason included) any given year before a bizarre season ending injury (never to the same part of the body). Some of the forerunners for 2009 are:

Dusty Dvoracek - The obvious choice out of the gate, but it's tough to make the argument that he's the 'core' of the D. Other than that, he's a shoe in. Different injuries every year and every year 'comes to camp at 100%'

Tommy Harris - Represents the core of the d, but his faults are that he has the same knee injuries which make it difficult to put the #2 to the scan-tron in his favor.

Jay Cutler - Only reason I put him on the list is because of the history in the broader Chicago Sports arena for heirs apparent (see mark prior, kerry wood, eric daze, eddy curry, etc.)

Those are my top 3...feel free to add your own or vote on these.

ps - Rex would've been on the list, but.....

Big Transaction Today in Chicago Sports

Bears sign punter Richmond Mcgee. Not much else out there for Chicago sports news. See you guys tomorrow.

Falling Sausages

Hawks Looking to Bring Back Daze

The Blackhawks have been very busy this offseason trying to keep up with the other major sports in the country. In the NFL, Favre continues his annual retire/un-retire tradition. In baseball it's Roger Clemens who conveniently un-retires for a team that will be in the playoffs. NBA had Jordan. The NHL is the only league without flaky retiree's. But the Hawks are bucking the trend by attempting to keep in stride with the other major professional leagues by talking with Daze.

Daze, who no longer has a back, said: "I literally am missing my upper body due to 25 back surgeries....but the Hawks are making a strong case, so we'll see what happens."

E-slap on the wrist

ACSF apologizes to any and all who were offended by the double posting of the same pic. We have issued a warning to the editor responsible, and now will get back to our normal schedule of boring posts, which we are very committed to.

- ACSF team

no title

Tiger prepares for his birdie put on 9

Update: He missed.

a moment ago on 12

Ernie waits to hit his 4th shot

Chicago Baseball - In the Toilet

Double loss today for your Chicago baseball teams. Drown yourselves with some Caberlee and Buehrlot. Me, I'm holding out for the Dyeiser or Podsednikoors. Cub fan boozers can hold out for the Theriotequila or the Sotomeister.

Milton Injures Hamstring

We broke our 'no breaking news' policy to say that Milton Bradley injured his hamstring in tonights game at Houston. I haven't seen this many minor leg injuries in one season since, well, last season when Bradley injured his leg a number of times during the season. It must be the umps fault.

PODS

scott podsednik went yard the other day, dooming the white sox season, as they have not won a world series in seasons where PODS hits a regular season home run.  if there's one lesson we can learn from this story, its that you always save your power for the post season, when it counts.

Milton opts for prosthesis

In a strange turn of events, Milton Bradley opted for amputation of both his legs to supplant the two oft injured limbs with prosthetics after his league leading 41st trip to the DL this year for non-serious leg injuries. The irony of the situation is that doctors had to use the childrens game that he created as a road map to figure out what the surgery required. After getting buzzed a few times on the femur removal, Bradley felt confident that the doctors were picking on him and that he was above their shenanigans so he did the surgery himself.





Other Cubs league leaders are Fonso with 5 leadoff HR's and Milton Bradley (again) with the quickest ejection on the home turf of a new team in his first AB at Wrigley.

you're fired

We all know it had to be done, after many years of physical and mental abuse the big orange cafeteria-like Gatorade dispenser in the Cubs dugout was put out to pasture, soon to be followed by Ron Santo. Ryan Dempster was quoted as saying "I'm going to miss it", teammate Ryan Theriot also went on record saying "that cooler is coming home with me". The most likely destination will be Lou Piniella's garage where it will be transformed into a margarita/bloody mary/miller lite dispenser.

wild world of sports

In a very bizarre series of events today at the confines Carlos Zambrano tries to display his affection for Mark Carlson (veteran umpire) with a holy kiss, as fans look on in horror.

The rejection was too much for Big Z to take as he was presented with the "iron cheek"

"Sweet Lou" comes to the rescue (pictured right(clearly drunk and belligerent)), to no avail.

Carlos is left with no one to blame but his leather mitt, as he hurls it into the stands and kills an onlooking elderly fan (pictured middle right) although autopsy results show he had the swine flu, and AIDS.

The Search is ON!!

We're doing an online scrimmage of sorts to find out what the worst Chicago sports jersey purchase in recent history has been. Since it's too easy to pick on the Bears 1st round woes, we(I) have selected my 'CSF worst jersey purchase ever' for each of the 5 professional ball clubs in Chicago. If you own one of these jerseys, you know who you are, let's just say that's strike one on your jersey buying career.

98 Bears - Curtis Enis - the only reason I say this guy is because not only did he flop in the NFL but he also changed numbers wearing both 39 and 44 in his brief stint with the Bears. Either way you lose.





93 Blackhawks - Eric Lecompte - I can just see it now. Hawks front office chompin at the bit after Chris Pronger, Scott Niedermayer, Paul Kariya, Saku Koivu were drafted feeling like it was a no lose situation. Then they end up with Eric Lecompte. I did a search for 'Eric Lecompte Blackhawks' and this is the first of very few hawks photos that popped up (none of which Lecompte was in) which says a lot about where he ended up being that Scotty Bowman is the top hit. The other two hawks that came up on the search were Bobby Hull & Tony Esposito.






















97 Bulls - Keith Booth - This was a tough one since most of the above average decent Bulls 1st rounders ended up on other teams while the Bulls held onto a series of bad 1st rounders. Runner-up here is Marcus Fizer. I can see the guy in the front row having just spent $149 on an authentic Booth jersey waiting to yell something original like, 'Boooooooooooth' along the same lines of 'Alouuuuuuuuu' (Cubs) or 'Mooooooooose' (Bears), and never getting the chance cause it turned out his game was at a 3rd graders level.

I'm actually tired now of looking up old Chicago sports 1st rounders. Remember we're only ACSF so we had to look up the info because we're not DH(die hards). Tune in next time on ACSF for the Cubs/Sox 1st round debacles.

- the Numbers Guy